Two couples join at a South London apartment for dinner on a Wednesday night. After dinner, the conversation flows.
Blonde Betty: Why is the IT guy always weird?
Freckled Marge: That’s so true. Why is the IT guy always weird?
Blonde Betty: Seriously, the one in my office…
Round Olive: Does anyone even speak to you in your office?
Blonde Betty : No, still not really.
Round Olive: Do you care?
Blonde Betty : No, still not bothered. But listen, the IT guy sits behind me and he eats a Scotch Egg every day. Every day! It’s disgusting! Who does that?
Blonde Betty: He has a private bottle of brown sauce at his desk!
Round Olive: That’s gross.
Freckled Marge: Mine is weird too. I think they must get them all from the same place. The one in my office wears really tight trousers and you can see EVERYTHING and it’s really gross (laughs).
Round Olive: Why don’t people buy clothes that fit them?
Freckled Marge: And, he has weird brightly coloured socks and when he walks up the stairs he always takes them three at a time so his trousers ride up even more and the socks are completely on show, like he does it on purpose.
Tall Chuck: I think the Scotch egg guy sounds weirder.
Round Olive: Both freaks.
Freckled Marge: But my guy also has really round glasses. He’s odd. And, he always goes on about his kids.
Round Olive: What’s your favourite crisp flavour?
Blonde Betty: Oh god, that’s a really good question. (To Marge) What’s yours?
Freckled Marge: I don’t know.
Blonde Betty: I know what mine is.
Tall Chuck: It depends, is it Walkers? Or can it be any crisp?
Olive: Any crisp. No, Walkers. No. Yeah, it has to be Walkers.
Freckled Marge: Erm. (Thinks). Prawn Cocktail or Worcestershire Sauce.
Round Olive: Oh wow, straight from left-field. What would you pick if you could only ever have one of them again, ever?
Freckled Marge: Worcestershire.
Round Olive: Nice choice.
Blonde Betty: I knew you’d say that.
Round Olive: Chuck?
Tall Chuck: Can it be crinkle cut, or, what do they call them, is it ruffles?
Round Olive: Erm? (looks at Betty and Marge for confirmation). Yeah, okay it can be ruffles.
Tall Chuck: Salt and vinegar ruffles.
Blonde Betty: Nice again. I like this. Didn’t think we’d be hitting such a diverse little collection of crispage.
Round Olive: Betty, what about you.
Freckled Marge: Her’s is ready salted.
Blonde Betty: Yep. Ready salted, no question.
Tall Chuck: It’s a classic.
Round Olive: Yeah, classic.
Blonde Betty: What about you, O?
Round Olive: I think…. Normal salt and vinegar? Yeah, normal salt and vinegar.
Blonde Betty: Nice. Good for dipping.
Freckled Marge: Yep. Good for dipping.
Round Olive: Good chat guys, I liked that one.
Blonde Betty: I’m hungry now.
Round Olive: Scotch-egg-hungry or crisp-hungry?
Blonde Betty: Scotch eggs are actually nice, but everyday! Who even does that!?