Ben and Odette try and invent their own magazine aged nineteen

(Scene is set in shared student kitchen around midnight on a weekday in Leicester, UK in 2001)

Ben: Everyone in this god damn place is an idiot. Everyone is exactly the same.

Odette: I know, right? Everyone… everyone thinks that the amount of ‘boring and the same’ they are is something they’ve achieved. Like, they’ve got it completely the wrong way around. They’re dicks, basically. It’s like, they measuring themselves against a scale of ‘how dull can I be?’ and getting excited when they get a good score.

Ben: Yep. Except us.

Odette: Except us, right?

Ben: OK. We should make a magazine about it.

Odette: Yes! We need a like, like a magazine that shows everyone that we can see them, and see how crap they are. Why does everyone wear the same fucking hoodie from the Uni shop? I HATE that hoodie.

Ben: I’m going to write all over a hoodie with a marker pen. No, wait – I’ve got a better idea. I’m going to write C**t on my jeans and then wear them.

Odette: You should SO do that. It will be hilarious. People are idiots.

Ben: I think the message for the magazine needs to be ‘people are idiots’.

Odette: Right, OK, people, but not us, are idiots.

Ben: Yeah, exactly, we basically know more than everyone else. That’s the message.

Odette: But can we make it a fashion magazine?

Ben: Yep. But it has to be funny.

Odette: OK, so what shall we put in it?

Ben: Something about how American’s are stupid. But we’ll spell it stoopid.

Odette: Nice irony! Can we do a diagram of some dance moves? I know it’s not fashion but…

Ben: Yep. Fuck it. Why not. What are we going to call it? Oh, by the way, I’m going to the petrol station in a minute because I’ve run out of sweets and I need a Pepsi.

Odette: I’ll come with you. We can talk about the name then. I might get a bag of Wheat Crunchies,

Ben: OK. And then we’ll come back and make the magazine.

Odette: Yep. Perfect. I might get a Red Bull too. I can’t believe we didn’t think of this before. We’ll be famous.

Ben: Maybe. Or maybe a few people will just read it and then chuck it in the bin. But at least we’ll have made it.

Odette: True, true.


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